It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
