So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
