Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
