Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
