"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
