I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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