Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
