We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
