i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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