I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
