I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am one with the molecules
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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