My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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