Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
