While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
