Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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