At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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