I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
