I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
