For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
