I wish I could punch you in the face.
Don't make out with my wife yet
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
