There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
