so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
