so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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