Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
