what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
There r osticjed everywhere
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
