I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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