idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
