erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The Olympian is in my bed
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
