Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
