the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
