im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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