Whats the glycemic index on semen?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
