I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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