There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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