I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
