I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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