i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
