HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
