I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My Sexting was not on an AP level
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
