he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
