This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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