i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
