dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
