I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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