he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
