it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
