can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
