After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
