you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
