everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
