We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
