Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
