Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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