I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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